I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
