i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
