Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
