fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
