when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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