dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
