I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
