I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
