I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
