I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
