im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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