HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
