dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
