I heard we made out
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
