Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
