how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
