So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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