oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
