she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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