My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
