dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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