you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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