If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
