Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
