I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I did not marry a roomba.
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