How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
