I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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