so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
