So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Randomize
