So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
