And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
