i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
