I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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