Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
