how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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