The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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