all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Drunk is not a location!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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