I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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