i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
