Christians are straight up FREAKS
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You can't just leave with hair like that
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
