fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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