If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
