So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
