you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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