i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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