I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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