Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
