So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
