I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
