420 ftw
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
