his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
