Betty ford says i'm here all night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
