Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
