It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
