She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
