1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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