SEEEEXXX PLEASE
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
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