The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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