You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
