I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
