please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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